Margari Aziza

February 25, 2007

5 Stages of Being Single in Your Thirties

Filed under: Black Women, Marriage, Relationships — Margari Aziza Hill @ 6:13 am

In her 1969 book, On Death and Dying, Swiss-born psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross outlined the five stages of grief of someone who is dying:
• Denial and isolation: “This is not happening to me.”
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• Anger: “How dare God do this to me.”
• Bargaining: “Just let me live to see my son graduate.”
• Depression: “I can’t bear to face going through this, putting my family through this.”
• Acceptance: “I’m ready, I don’t want to struggle anymore.”

The list was praised and criticized by grief experts. Some said the stages got people expressing their emotions; others said the stages were too rigid.

I thought these stages are adaptable to some of us sisters who’re still single in our thirties:
• Denial and isolation: “This is not happening to me. The most perfect guy in the whole universe will come rescue me.”
• Anger: “All men suck!”
• Bargaining: “hmmm maybe I’ll settle for this trifling brotha that’s in my face right now. Even though he is shiftless right now, we can work through our issues”
• Depression: “I can’t bear to going through this, I’ll be one of those crazy ladies with tons of cats.”
• Acceptance: “I’m ready, I don’t want to struggle anymore…if it happens it happens.”

4 Comments »

  1. Why alone> It is becasue of being angrey or it is the lonilness that keeps one angry.

    Comment by Dio — February 25, 2007 @ 11:48 am

  2. Who is Dio?

    I’m getting upset about comments and this isn’t even my blog. Hurry up with yo shower!

    Comment by Sheikha — February 25, 2007 @ 6:43 pm

  3. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross did some great research on death, loved your not married comparison.

    I truly believe the older we get, the less we ‘’settle” with whoever’s in the vicinity. I was married far too young. 40 is the age of wisdom, hold out for the wisdom.

    ;)

    Comment by Viking Daughter — July 28, 2008 @ 10:08 am

  4. Totally agree! I’ve been through all the stages and decided to have a baby by myself. Being single in one’s thirties is an absolute nightmare.

    Comment by petal — December 15, 2008 @ 12:19 am


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